It's a big decision dating someone with herpes so here's some suggestions to make sure you're doing the right thing.
Your partner has shown a lot of courage to tell you that they have herpes.
Or maybe you've learned the hard way by discovering those strange blisters around their mouth or in their "private parts".
Genital herpes has a huge social stigma, and your partner is probably very embarrassed about it, and you're worrying about it.
The good news is... herpes is treatable. And not that big a deal in the overall picture of a relationship.
Here's some tips and advice before dating someone with herpes or if you are currently dating someone with herpes.
1. Get Yourself Tested. Ask your partner whether they've been tested for herpes, and what type of test they got. Hopefully they have a blood test.
Then you should go get herpes tested yourself.
That way you'll know if you've already contacted it. Most people (like 70%) with genital herpes don't even know they have it.
If you test positive, and your partner is positive... Great!
Since you cannot pass the virus to someone already positive, then you can both enjoy a worry-free sexual intimacy.
2. Give Your Partner Lots of Support and Encouragement. It takes a lot of courage for your partner to admit they have herpes to you.
Recognize that. Don't freak out. Listen with your heart. Look into their eyes. Tell them how hard that must have been to tell you that. Give them a real hug. Maybe even cry with them.
Maybe ask them to tell you more about the virus and what it's like to live with it. It's best that you listen supportively.
Don't get sexual when your partner has "The Talk" with you. You'll both be VERY, VERY EMOTIONAL better to call it an early evening. Then go home and think about herpes and your relationship for a couple of days.
3. Educate Yourself About Herpes. You'll have to learn about herpes. This website, Happy-With-Herpes.com, is a great resource to learn about herpes. But also go do some searches on Google and start learning about this virus.
Dating someone with herpes is simply like dating someone with cold sores (which is oral herpes). It is contagious. It can look awkward. But it is a skin condition that comes and goes. And certainly is not a barrier to TRUE LOVE.
4. Make the Big Decision. Now, you'll have to decide whether to stay with and continue dating someone with herpes.
If you love this person, the decision should be easier. In the grand scheme of relationships, herpes is a "little skin condition". Your love will be more powerful and more meaningful. Love does conquer all.
But if you're just starting to date someone with herpes, you'll have to ask yourself: "Is this someone I want to date long term?"
Here's the tough news: if you don't care too much about your new partner, and they have herpes, maybe you might want to end the relationship. It's a pain to live with herpes and it's not worth contracting the virus for a quick fling or just to get "laid".
5. Make sure that your partner goes on medication. Before you start sleeping together and getting sexual, make sure your partner is taking suppressive medication such as Acyclovir or Valtrex. This dramatically reduces the chances of transmission.
Okay, so you think your partner is worth it. And you want to get sexual and intimate. What's next?
Make your partner feel comfortable. Take things slow and lovingly. Be careful. Enjoy every little kiss and caress. Breath together.
You'll have to do a few simple things sexually to prevent transmission of the virus:
Here's the GOOD and BAD news. If you follow all these preventative measures, the chances of getting the herpes virus is like less than 3%. Many people have long term relationships with a herpes partner and NEVER GET THE VIRUS.
Enjoy your sex life together. But, there's still that chance of getting the virus if you are dating someone with herpes.