Without a Clue

by Mary
(Richmond, Virginia)

I am a single mother of five and now I have a granddaughter. I was diagnosed 3 years ago. I kept having unusual bumps that would appear each month before my cycle. I had a large blister or bump that really caused me pain and concern. I kept going back to the doctor and this doctor that I saw told me and she took a culture then she also requested blood test which came back positive.

She said that I had contracted it in the last 6 months. I was devastated. I kept trying to figure it out then she said that it was my recent partner. He is married but we have been seeing each other for 3 years now, he knows about it and denied being the one who gave it to me.

So I've been in support group for 3 years as well. I still feel ashamed, and I still try to wash it away. This is my story.


Dear Mary,

I understand where you’re coming from. Genital herpes can be an isolating condition, and like you I was depressed and devastated beyond belief. It took me a really long time to snap out of that miserable state.

But I’m so glad I did! And you can too if you stop allowing this silly virus to take away your ability to live life to the fullest.

I commend you for joining a herpes support group early on. Already you are making the first steps to recovery. Sometimes, just talking to people in the same boat can lighten the burden we carry. These people can truly relate to our situation and can provide valuable insights and advices too.

I know it can be embarrassing at the start but there’s really nothing to be ashamed of. You were in love with a guy who possibly gave you herpes. He might have known it all along, but he also might not. Some people with herpes are unaware they have the virus because they never get to experience outbreaks.

Holding a grudge and trying to blame him for the rest of your life is not going to be healthy for you emotionally in the long run. So please, try to find inner peace and don’t let the herpes virus define who you are. I know having herpes is not easy... but go to war with it and come out victorious. Don’t let it control your life.




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Jun 17, 2014
To Mary
by: Anonymous

There is no way of telling when you got the virus, you're doctor was wrong in saying that. She probably requested the IgM test and if you look on the internet there are so many reasons to not have that test. You could have had herpes for years and not known.

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