Self Hate

I was diagnosed with Genital Herpes at the beginning of this year. It was the most horrifying and embarrassing day of my life. I'm 18 years old. I’m thinking to myself... all these thoughts in my head...

What will my friends think? What will my mom think? Who could I ever trust enough to tell? What's the point in living now? Who will ever love me like this? You see, there are just so many things running through my head and still do once in awhile. On top of this I'm a type 1 diabetic so with that my outbreaks are painful and more common than the average person.

I'm having my 1st post diagnosis outbreak currently and I don't blame anyone but myself. Seeing as I was well informed that if I don't keep my diabetes in good shape that there is a very high chance I will have an outbreak and right now my diabetes is far from in shape. But honestly sitting here thinking about how uncomfortable my next pee is going to be I don't care about anything. I'm feeling worthless and pathetic and so disgusting all over again.

Will I ever not feel this way during an outbreak? Knowing myself pretty well... Probably not. I have my mom to talk to about this but my mom doesn't know how I feel, no one does. It just makes me hate myself, I don't want to be in my own skin. I don't want to be me.


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Aug 01, 2013
by: Anonymous

You're letting the stigma attached to herpes run your life. It is just a simple skin rash caused by a virus. I have oral HSV 1, and I had only known my bf for 2 weeks when I told him. He stayed with me, and I was shocked. Because like you I had the dirty stigma attached to it. But all he said was "so you'll have cold sores sometimes, big deal, a lot of people get them." Herpes is an extremely common virus. You're not the only one that feels this way. If someone can't accept it, then they're not right for you. Educate yourself about it, so you can inform them on that you can still have sex without spreading it. You'll have to take better precautions, but someone is going to love you for you and will look past a silly rash you get sometimes.

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