Positive for Herpies at Seventeen
I didn’t want to believe it man I still fucking don’t dude. I was diagnosed with herpies. I’ve never done anything to fucking deserve this. i was diagnosed positive on Christmas eve of 2011. Isn’t that just the best Christmas gift ever? Happy fucking New Year I kept thinking. I went to the doctor thinking I had like a yeast infection and the doctor just looked at me and is like that looks like herpies.
I started freaking out, I didn’t believe him. Then they did the cotton swab test and rubbed it around the bumps. Then they sent it to a lab and it took them four days for the results. Throughout those four days I searched and searched for an alternative. And I was so convinced it was a yeast infection called Candidiasis which has been mistaken for a lot for herpies because the symptoms looks exactly like what you have with herpies. I’m like this has to be it, I can’t have fucking herpies dude.
I’ve only had two partners. The first one we used protection but the second partner whom I’m with right now, he was the only one I had unprotected sex with since I started using birth control. My boyfriend and I were scared shitless.
Today is Friday, Dec.30 and I went back to the doctors. They told me I was positive for herpies my mom and my bf were there. My bf was just crying if felt so bad for him like even if he gave it to me or if I gave it to him or wherever the fuck this shit came from dude this was unbelievable. When they first said I was suspected to have herpies I told him and he hated me he treated me like garbage dude. He said he was never going to talk to me again.
I felt so damn alone like I felt so stuck and isolated I couldn’t believe it. I just look at myself in the mirror and I am disgusted with myself. I don’t want to live like this for the rest of my life like wtf. People keep saying like it’ll be okay
.I just want to tell them to shut the fuck up its not okay I have this for the rest of my life.
Eventually my bf came back and apologized, it was such a relief. I just really wanted to end it all. I lost my life and I lost the one person I’d do anything for. I was suicidal at that point I was so glad when he came back for me. He said it would be so selfish to leave me and said he would have come back sooner or later. He didn’t want to leave me especially alone and to deal with it by myself. I feel like so fucking happy I have someone by my side that will understand. But I fucking hate how this had to happen to me. I still am like in denial I can’t believe it.
And it’s such bad timing because I already have an eating disorder. I used to be so pretty, I had a body, and nice light brown hair. I always felt so confident but like now I put on my jeans and there loose and I just cry. It sucks because like I try and try but it’s so hard and like now I have damn fucking herpies this is just too.
I feel like everyone knows and it sucks because I now people are going to talk especially in this stupid little town everything gets around so fast. Well, I don’t know, I’m confused as fuck still.. haha like I’m fucking writing right now my story about HERPIES on the damn internet like wtf.. I’ve never in my life think I ever had to come across the point to where I just look at myself and i have herpies.
I don’t even know why I’m doing this. Writing this maybe I just want like advice or really I don’t now why I’m doing this maybe to comfort others hopefully they won’t be that sad. But yeah I’m stuck and confused but I’m just so glad I have someone by my side. I just don’t understand why this had to happen to me. I don’t deserve this for shit.