Oral Sex is Sex, and Sex Isn't Just a "Thing"..... Writing is Therapy; Hope This Helps Someone.

I have been sexually active since the age of 16. I lost my virginity to my bf in high school (which still remains to be the longest relationship of my life), and he cheated on me and broke my heart. After losing my virginity, sex was just a thing, and that's what led me to here.

By the time I was 18, I had sex with about 8 to 10 people. To me, sex was just a thing people did. Most of the guys I had sex with we're boyfriends. One was a rebound from my first, and the other were two of my close friends. Number 10 was my ex, and I thought I was in love. NOPE. He cheated too.

Then I had a rebound that I sort of dated. He gave me an STD, but one that medicine got rid of. I should have learned my lesson there, but being human, we’re programmed to be sexual.

Two more guys after that, and then FINALLY I smartened up, and I didn't have sex for over a year. Then, I gave in and had sex with a guy I REALLY liked. Well, it was just sex to him. I then started talking to another guy, and well I didn't have sex with him, but I did give him oral.

Now at the age of 21, I have HSV 1. I thought I was being good by not having sex with him, but what I had forgotten over the years is oral sex is sex, and sex isn't just a "thing". It isn't something we should be so uncaring about. It is dangerous.

I never thought this would happen to me, but it did. And it can happen to anyone. I now have to deal with all the emotions of being angry, depressed, and mostly disappointed in myself. I'm not mad he gave it to me. He
may not even know he has it. When I confronted him he said he was clean, so he is either in denial or just some prick who doesn't care.

I found out about a week ago, and have been dating a guy since May 5th. I told him the day I found out, and he hasn't left me. It doesn't bother him. He still tells me I'm amazing and perfect. He sees me no different. He cares just the same. Getting this has made me realize a man can care about you for you. You don't need to have sex (even though we have) for him to care.

My boyfriend and I have decided were not having sex for awhile. Mostly my decision, but he is perfectly fine with it. I really like the feeling of having someone want you for you. Even if there is a major "flaw" that comes with it. None of us asked for this, but it did happen.

All you can do is continue to love yourself, and be honest with your partner or potential one. Someone will accept it, and it's an amazing feeling. Yes I am depressed still. Yes I'm mad that I forgot how serious sex should be, INCLUDING oral. But, there's nothing I can do about it now.

This happening to me has taught me so much. I'm going to get back in church. Live a better life. Be thankful for what I have. Also, to be thankful that this is just a skin disease and I am not going to die. It'll just be annoying sometimes. I have a man who cares and just wants me happy.

So, if you're having a hard time, realize it's not the end of the world. Just the beginning of a new one. One that's just as beautiful, but with a small annoying skin condition that will happen every now and then.

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