Looking for Forgiveness in Myself

OK so I've always been a responsible girl and then I don’t know something changed when I met my bf and had unprotected foreplay. I've gone to the doctors and she is convinced I've contracted genital herpes. I hate myself for being so stupid and I don't know how to move past it and not be mad at this sweet guy who had no idea he even had it, I don't even know if I have it I get the results in 4 days . I'm so scared I've researched everything about it and yet my questions aren't really answered.

I've always been into females as well (bi) and now I can never fully experience sex with a girl again, if he and I break things off, I'd have to tell all my partners and I feel ashamed, dirty, like I don’t deserve happiness anymore and no one really understands. They’re all like don't worry u aren't going to die you just have to be protected at all times nothing's changed but it has. I'm one to always get sick so the likely hood that I'll have outbreaks all the time is inevitable.

I would have liked to experience full pleasure with a female again without all the dental dams and shit. I don't want people to think I'm a slut and run for me or second guess that if they use the same toilet they will get it too :( I can't stop crying I feel as though I've lost myself and there's nothing I can do . I don't even know why I'm on this page I maybe fine but I doubt it a lot . One moment and everything's changed I wish I could turn back time.

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