Living with My Herpes

by Eunice Lopez
(New York City)

I've always gotten blisters since I was a little girl. When I was about eight years old I got a really bad break out. My top and bottom lip were filled with blisters. My dad took me to the doctor and I was prescribed some medication. When the blisters began to heal, my lips were crusty and scabby. It took a long time to heal because when I opened my mouth to speak or eat, the scab and skin would break causing it to bleed and prolonging the healing process. My dad did not explain to me what it was.

I, being young, never questioned it and believed it would go away. When I was a teenager and I would have a breakout, kids in school teased me. Many times I avoided going to school because I was embarrassed and ashamed. When I was about sixteen, I began dating and because I was not knowledgeable on STD's I was not using protection. I don’t know who I got it from because I believe I was sleeping with multiple partners.

One day I woke up with intense burning sensation and notice the blisters. I went to the doctor and he told me I had Herpes. I ignored it and although I knew it was contagious, I was on denial. When I was pregnant my daughter’s father, who had been one of the men I was sleeping when I contracted genital herpes, showed me the blisters.

I knew what it was but I still did not confess. When I got pregnant on an OBGYN appointment, the doctor asked him to leave the room to explain that I had Herpes and the risk. I then told him what happened and he immediately flipped out. He blamed me for having it, but I always have doubted him because he was a player and for certain sleeping around without protection before. I only told this one guy I dated about it because, before we became intimate, he asked me if I had anything. I felt obligated to tell him. He stayed and called it baggage. Things did not work out with us and I went on dating.

Now I'm dating someone whom I really like but I have not told him. I want to but I'm so afraid he will be upset because we've been intimate. I don't have sex when I have an outbreak and I always use protection. Nonetheless I feel guilty because I wanted to say something but my fear held me back. I don’t know where to start but I want to be honest with him and anyone else after if it does not work out.

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Oct 29, 2012
Herpes type 1. how do i react?
by: Luz2112

I just found out I have herpes type 1.. I'm not sure how I should be reacting..half of me wants to flip out but the other half is cool with it.. I'll explain why I'm cool with it.. apparently I've had herpes basically ALL of my life.. I've always gotten cold sores on my lips. Nothing never too bad just one tiny cold sore.. never thought much of it just a normal cold sore to me. I wasn't sexually active & I had not even kissed any one when I first got the cold sores.. never had I been told by any doctor that I had herpes type 1 till recently last week when I went in to have an STD exam.

Doctor said "the results all came back negative..but you did come out positive for herpes 1.." I was confused & the Doc noticed my silence. She continued to say "do you get cold sores?" Me: "yes". Her: "oh ok..don't worry its not an STD".. but as I do more & more research on herpes type most certainly is an STD, HIGHLY contagious because you don't have to have sexual contact to get it..even skin to skin contact can spread it.. this makes me very upset because I have a beautiful 1 year old baby boy & since I educated myself about herpes yesterday..I haven't been able to kiss him. not even on the cheek,or use spoons or share anything with the ..fear that I might infect him.

Worst part is that I didn't even get it because I didn't protect myself from it, I didn't even know how to put my panties on the right way when I started getting the cold sores..maybe a family member gave it to me with just one innocent kiss when I was a child... so anyways now my biggest problem is that I'm waiting for a person I had sexual contact with recently to get checked for herpes..I will be devastated if I passed it on to her just by making out.. she doesn't deserve that..but I really didn't know..

I told her as soon as I found now she's worried she might have gotten it & I'm worried that I might've given someone so close and dear to me a fkn STD.. I didn't have an outbreak when we did what we did..but still..I'm hoping her results come back negative..but as for me I'm stuck with it for life..something that I neither looked for nor deserve.. I don't go sleeping around with just anyone. :(

So tell me my friends..should I be flipping turns out that..although I've had herpes all my life, but knowing the name of it & getting knowledge on the disease just makes it worse.. how devastating is it time I'm dating..& I have to tell my partner that I have fkn one wants to hear that..if someone told me that I would run in the other direction. FML..ggrrrrrrrr.

May 25, 2012
Single and Alone
by: Anonymous

I just found out a couple of months ago that I have herpes. And the sad thing about it is I got it from my two oldest daughters' father whom I have been in love with for the past 13 years. I'm so depressed I don't know what to do or think anymore. I feel like my life is totally over and don't know what to do anymore, let alone how to turn my focus back on my three daughters. I'm trying so hard to move on but its so hard when I have only been with two guys so far. I want to date but I'm so afraid to.

May 14, 2012
Tell Him!!
by: Anonymous

I got herpes when I was only 14 years old. I was sleeping with a grown man, looking to replace my father's love of course. Once I found out what I had, I of course became celibate, but my celibacy was because of shame, not because I realized that I should not be having sex.

Once I was older, I started having sex again and even had a son, all without telling my partners. I always felt terrible shame afterward. I had two boyfriends that I felt strong enough to tell, both after being intimate. They both stayed, and one confessed that he also had it, which made for the best sex life I ever had without the shame I had previously felt. I would definitely say to tell him. It feels so much better once you get it out in the open. Good luck.

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