Living with Herpes-2...I mean LIVING
Hi everyone...I have HSV-2 and I share my story because I want to give hope and take a little weight off your shoulders. I found out I am living with herpes-2 a year and half ago. I was devastated. I remember thinking my life was over. No one will ever want me. Why couldn't they just tell me I have cancer...it was a death sentence at the time. I remember the silence in the Drs office...and then my hyperventilating. It was by far the WORST day of my life. I contracted it from a man who I had trusted. I had the classic primary outbreak...you name it I had it. I was so sick and emotionally a mess. I drove to a spot overlooking the ocean (no I wasn't suicidal but I did think about dying) and curled up in a ball in my car...I wailed for hours. Hopeless, empty and alone.
Fast forward to today. I spent many months thinking I WAS herpes...I wasn't that smart, fun loving, compassionate, kind, hard worker or daughter, sister, aunt, friend or coworker. I was herpes. It is only recently that I now have accepted that herpes does not define me...it does not make me any less of a person. I have a lot to offer someone who will accept me for who I am not reject me for something I got.
The "talk" continues to be on my mind. I
don't have the same sexual freedom as my peers. I believe now however that the HSV-2 diagnosis helps me to find people who are interested in ME and not just for sex. I don't engage in casual sex because I want to get to know someone and feel ok with having the "talk" if things progress. I also believe being forced to hold out on sex allows potential partners to get to know the REAL ME...not the woman with an STD.
Sure I have my bad days when I wish I could be living without herpes, but that is not possible. It will not kill me, it really is just a nuisance at times.
I take medication everyday to keep the outbreaks away because I was having frequent outbreaks. Since starting this my perspective has shifted because I am not constantly reminded by outbreaks that I am living with herpes.
So I want you to take from this...that you are not herpes...herpes does not define who you are nor does it have to control you. Unfortunately society does not understand what herpes really is...it's not dirty, it's very common, it's manageable and does not reflect in anyway what kind of person you are.
I am not dying from herpes. I am living with herpes. And by living I do not mean I am merely existing I mean I am living life...and herpes can not take that away from me.