Knowing The Right Time To Tell Someone

I haven’t had a partner since finding out my ex boyfriend gave me hsv2 12months ago. I have recently met someone and I know that we both really care about each other but I am terrified by how he might react... We have only been dating for a month but he already wants me to meet all of his friends etc.

Should I tell him before going to any social events?? We obviously haven’t slept together yet and he knows I want to take things slowly.... Please help!


Dear Anonymous,

First of all, I commend you for holding off on sex with your herpes-free partner. It’s true that giving “The Talk” can be intimidating and terrifying at the same time. It’s one of the hardest things to do especially when it’s your first time to do it. But no matter how daunting a task it is, our partners should be given a choice whether to stay or accept us, herpes and all. If we care about them, we want them to be informed of the risk that they are taking so we can protect their health as well.

Having herpes is not like a badge of honor, we don’t wear it and wave it around for everyone to see. Rather, we disclose this information only to those we truly trust. In your case, it wasn’t that long ago since your last relationship and now you are back in the world of dating but being more careful this time. Like you, I was also scared. But later on we realize that there are actually a lot of people who are open-minded and accepting of the condition than what society portrays.

Personally, I tell the girl I’m seeing no later than the third date, especially when I see that getting intimate is in the horizon. I’ve given the talk numerous times now and my partners appreciated the honesty. The important thing to remember is to pick the right time and moment to say it. Maybe even schedule it. Don’t be pressured to rushing out and giving “The Talk”. You need to prepare your mind and allow him some space to process the information that you will provide when that time comes.

For more tips and advice, please read my guide on How to Tell Your Partner “I have herpes” page. You will find example scenarios and phrases that can get you started on giving “The Talk” for the first time.

Hope this helps,



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