Just Diagnosed. Life Will Go On
Hi, well I am a 22 year old female. I am in college to be an Elementary/Special education teacher and am currently in summer break. Yesterday I went to the Doctor for what I thought was a terrible yeast infection...not!
I just had a surgery to enhance my breasts last week so I had been on pain meds for a week which always creates body itching...so I just thought my vagina was itching because of the pain medicine. And then after about 3 days, I could not even walk without yelping and feeling like I wanted to vomit; just the worst pain. The only sort of comfort I had was when I was laying down and
I kept applying Desitin and even started Monistat but nothing was really working or healing. I could tell that my vagina was swollen and I felt some bumps, so I kept checking online with all of my symptoms. What I mostly ran into were people asking the same questions, What is this? "Could it be herpes or a yeast infection or etc." and most of the responses, "That is def. a yeast infection!!" so I was confident in the yeast infection, because I could never have herpes, you know?
Right when the Doctor checked, she said “Oh no, this looks like Herpes”. I lost it right there on the table asked her if I could sit up and just said F*CK!!!! and cried so hard. She asked about my sex life and I asked my mom to step out of the room because I was SO embarrassed.
I got out of a longer serious relationship about 8 months ago and since then I'm not going to lie, I've made some mistakes by sleeping with random people. Definitely not my proudest moments, but all I was doing was having fun usually in a safe way with a condom but not all of the time. My main concern was getting pregnant. And that I am not.
But the last few months I have slept with 2 people and had unprotected sex more than usual. I am just kicking myself so hard right now I wish I could take back time and just not have had a sexual relationship with either. The pain I am having right now is the worst pain I've ever had in my whole life, and peeing is
excruciating pain!! So I'm still not sure how to bring this up to these men because I do not feel like talking to either of them one bit right now!
So I cried and cried all day yesterday and today it has been on and off. I have the support of my parents who just wish it was them instead of me and that just breaks my heart. I already realize that I need to stay positive about this because I have no other choice. I have already said, I wish I would die...and that came from a total left field considering on what a great life I live.
So I realized I really cannot live with that kind of attitude to something that really is not a big deal in the scheme of things. I am definitely going to make a lot of lifestyle changes by constantly eating healthy, working out more, drinking less alcohol, sleeping more, absolutely no cigarettes to try and remain outbreak free because I never want to deal with this again!! Although it may be hard at times, it is almost a calling to start being the most healthy I can be.
Another worry I have is in the future, reading a lot of what people have to say on this website has certainly given me hope. I am afraid to and when to confront people and I am afraid I will not be myself...or see myself as sexy anymore. I definitely want to be the person I already am so that is my goal. I don't want to change because I "have herpes". That's not fair to me because it is true...most people could get herpes the same way I did.
I am not nasty, a slut, or a different person. I am me. But I can say there may be a few differences for the better (as long as I do not have an outbreak I can say this...) I think this may make me a stronger woman, a happier soul, less judgmental, a healthier person, possibly find a better love than before, and hopefully I can help others someday.
I just think there needs to be more information spread on this disease so people can wrap their heads around it and be cautious and find a cure!!;)
PS. if anyone wants to share their best solutions, feel free!