It's Worse Than You Could Imagine

by Cureless

I was 18 when I contracted herpes type 1 and type 2 from my boyfriend at the time last year in October. We just had oral sex, then sex for the first time together. A couple days later while I was at work and my whole body hurt, lifting the 2-pound trays felt like lifting a hundred pounds. I've never felt so weak before.

When I got home I got a fever of 102 and it lasted for 3 days. All the symptoms lasted for 3 days. During that time I got this gross black what looked like a scab on my lip then my genital area became very itchy. It was a kind of itch that could not be ignored. So I itched, and a day or two after the itching it became very sore. It became sore to the point where it hurt to urinate.

So I took a look and it was a white spot down there. It was so sore I couldn’t even sit. Urinating was so painful I would have a panic attack every time I had to go. Or I would hold it. And sometimes I would hold it for 12-14 hours. And when I did go, my body was so tense it would only trickle out and last longer and hurt more.

So I would scream because of the pain and to get it out faster. At that point I knew something was horribly wrong. I was taken to urgent care, and they didn’t know what was wrong even though my symptoms pointed straight to herpes. They assumed the worst and gave me meds for syphilis and gonorrhea.

And that all they tested my urine for as well. The meds they gave me made me incredibly sick. It gave me the worst stomach cramps I’ve ever felt and made me incredibly nauseous all night. I had to wait another week to see my family doctor. So it meant another week of pain.

After another day, I couldn’t eat because of the sores on my lips and sores on my genitals. I didn’t want to drink anything so I didn’t have to go. Eventually I did and when I did, right after I had gone to the bathroom I would chug water, I was so dehydrated. I finally went to see my doctor and she gave me valtrex and valacyclovir (herpes meds). She put me on a dosage that seemed to be meant for a 300 pound man. So taking 2 grams a day made me very nauseous again and very dizzy. I was on the meds for 2 week before it started to work. I was sick and not eating or drinking for 3 1/2 weeks.

I went from
110 pounds to 94 pounds. I’m already very petite. It grossed me out to look in the mirror. I had two huge black sores on my lips, dark circles around my eyes, I could count my ribs, see my hips bones stick out, and you could grab onto my collar bones like handle bars. I looked anorexic. I looked like I was dying...I think I was.

My boyfriend at the time, didn’t see me at all while I was sick, he was sick too but he only had a high fever. And some kind of gunk in his throat, his doctors said it was strep. Obviously it wasn’t. He kept telling me I didn’t get it from him. But he was the only one I was with for the past 8 months prior to my outbreak. I started getting sick 2 days after we had sex which is when people have initial herpes outbreaks and that was my initial outbreak. All the doctors told me they've never seen an outbreak so bad before.

Then my boyfriend then got tested for herpes and he was tested positive. And yet he still denies even till this day 7 months after we broke up that I never got herpes from him.

So what I want to say to everybody is don't take herpes lightly, it’s not just a cold sore, or genital sores, it will crash your immune system and make you very sick. It is very contagious, you can spread it even if you're not having an outbreak you could be a carrier like my ex, and they don't show symptoms so it can be spread by accident.

ALWAYS get tested before having sex, talk about these kinds of things with your partners, and don't joke about's not funny! Herpes is a lifelong disease with no cure. It makes me feel gross and upset every day. And finding someone to accept you and love you knowing you have herpes is difficult.

People tend to associate herpes with dirty, slutty girls and promiscuous guys. That’s not always true. It only takes one person. So be extremely careful. I would never wish it on my worst enemy to go through what I did last year.

Herpes is no joke, its worse than you could ever imagine. I am going to be 20 next month and I haven’t had an outbreak like that since. I’ve actually haven’t have any type 2 outbreak since then and 3 cold sore since then. I’ve been trying to sleep and eat as much as I can to keep my health up and gain the weight back. And I have found someone who accepts me for who I am, what I have and what I’ve been through.

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