I Feel So Alone and Sad

My ex husband gave me herpes. I have never had a break out and the only reason I found out I had it was because I took a blood test at my annual exam. Flash forward 10+ years. I am divorced now. I met a wonderful man and told him.

After I told him he said "it doesn't change how I feel, there is something real between us. I can't deny it." We continued dating and have even spent time with our children. We have gotten very intimate as he can see I don't have break outs, I don't even get zits.

He has seen my body numerous times. We have fallen for each other. But the past couple days he has pulled away from me and said "I have to sort some things out that have been weighing on me". I'm assuming it is the herpes issue but we have had sex already. A lot.

He once said he was being "reckless" but yet didn't buy condoms or offer to use anything. Nor did I because I thought he was ok with it and we were a couple. He hasn't called me since that text nor have I called him because I feel he needs space. Plus I'm devastated. Yes I am assuming it is about the herpes, maybe something totally different but I have no idea.

In the past, I sent him information and even offered to go on antivirals if he would be more comfortable and he never responded. I once told him "you are in denial" because he wouldn't read about it or go to the doctor to get a blood test. I can't sleep, barely eat. I'm crushed. I guess it takes some time for it to sink it for some people.

All you can do is be honest, hold your head up high and hope someone someday will love ALL of you. I have to admit, I'm more depressed than I was even after my divorce. This man, I thought, was the love of my life. I saw love in his eyes, I felt it. But wow, I guess you just never know. I just wish he had walked out when I first told him. :(

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