How Are Others 'Really' Living and Dealing?

I was diagnosed about 2 years ago at 25, and literally think about "it" everyday! I went through a real downward spiral and turned to drugs and alcohol, and obviously avoided dating; that was how I got it in the first place; someone I trusted.

Now that I'm clean and trying to move forward with life, I realized that I am absolutely petrified of meeting someone I like, and having to tell them I have "it".

I haven't told anyone but my mother; only because during my first outbreak I didn't think it could actually be "it". She knew I was going to the Dr and when she asked me a few months later, I was high and told her; I broke down because I hated myself!

I go through daily ups and downs struggling with this disease I will live with for the rest of my life.. WHYYYY?!!

I've come to this website several times; it makes me feel better momentarily, but once I slip back to reality I remember that I have to deal with this.

I'm not depressed enough to end my life physically, but try to convince myself everyday that I could live alone without a partner for the rest of my life; or I pray that I'll meet someone who doesn't think sex is all that important.

I just need to vent, and talk to someone, who knows what I'm talking about... not a doctor who has only read about what I'm feeling.

Since this disease seems to be so common, does anyone else look at everyyyy person you meet and wonder if they have "it" too? I do, and I'm waiting for the day for someone to tell me they have it so I can finally say "I have it too". What a release that would be!

I cant believe I have "it". WHY does something so terrible even exist?! I'd rather have a terminal disease so at least if people had to know I had something they'd feel bad for me. No one feels bad for someone with herpes :-(

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