Happy To Be Alive

by LaVinia
(Milford, PA, USA)

I contacted herpes around the age of 19. When I went to the doctor, he said “you have blisters from wearing tight jeans. It was the late 70's and early 80's. That was the first outbreak not tight jeans. The doctor gave me some cream to use and I did and all was fine.

The next outbreak came when I was dating this man at 24 years old. He said he had something and that I should go get checked out. I did and the doctor found nothing to report. I eventually found drugs and began using them heavily.

At the age of 24, I was raped and almost immediately had a vicious outbreak. I went to the doctor and yup... You have herpes. It was mentally painful and physically unbearable. I took pills and use cream prescribed by the doctor.

I wanted to date but I did not want to have sex. Being in your mid twenties and very attractive is torture in itself. Most men want to have sex with you at some point but how could I tell them? I did not and use protection or did not have sex when I had an outbreak.

The drugs help me come to terms with a false thought of you are alright.

At one point I did not care and I have infected someone.

I am so sorry that I did this but at the time, I felt as if someone infected me so share it.

Now I realize this is wrong and ask God to forgive me for having such a careless attitude about this disease.

Sometimes I want to tell this person, I have been in contact with him but you never know how people will react. I am truly sorry...

Now I’m in my almost mid 50's and don’t think about sex much. I rather pleasure myself. It is safe but I miss the companionship.

Life goes on. I have been blessed with twin girls. They are healthy, no contact of the disease in them.

My life is full- I have things I really want to do like take a train ride across country. Relocate to a warmer climate like Florida or Georgia when I retire and do all the fishing that I want.


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