Guess I'm Meant to be Alone
by Carla P
I wrote Gary yesterday, after telling the guy I was seeing that I had a "cold sore" and since we can't seem to do anything other than "hit the sheets" together, it was best I don't come over.
He went on line, and "did his homework". He just left me a voice mail, telling me that he had no idea how contagious this is, and that, even when I don't have an outbreak, (which I have not in over 3 years), he doesn't want to waste time on someone who could infect him with this "horrible disease". Right, I have read 50 to 80% of adults in this country have Herpes Simplex 1. I cannot even guess how many children have it.
I had my first outbreak around 10 years old. I remember getting them so bad, that I had to go to ER. My upper and lower lips were so swollen, as well as the sores going up my nose. It seemed that when I got a severe upper respiratory infection, which always began with a simple cold, I developed them. My mom (God bless her) had them, my sister, my cousins, whenever we got sick, or our immune system was down, all developed them.
Anyway, right now I do feel sick, worthless. If it were me, because I care about this jerk...I would have been very careful as far as sex, especially oral sex, and kissing. But if you care for someone, it would seem that spending time together, just being close, going out somewhere, would just be perfect. Guessed I really misjudged this guy. He told me that my dating life, and sex life was over, and he feels sorry for me.
Guess right now I do also. I'm in my 50's, and don't want to spend the rest of my life alone.
Maybe this was my entire fault. I should have told him when we met I had "cold sores" or HSV 1. It never crossed my mind. And he said at age 58 he has NEVER dated a woman who had them, NEVER!!!!!!
So I guess this is mine to get over, and to realize that I am alone, and will most likely always be alone.
Thank You for Listening.