Feeling Hopeless and Scared

by Katherine

I am a 23 yr old girl who just found out to be positive with Genital Herpes. Right now I can't stop crying or feeling like my life is over. My outbreak was mild, just slight burning sensation, and the sores themselves were not uncomfortable or itchy.

My Dr. says I have HSV-1, which I probably got from my boyfriend who has cold sores. I have told my partner and his attitude is one of annoyance, as he put it now he has to be with me forever, whether he wants to or not. We have been together for almost eight years, and last night he didn't even want to cuddle from fear of my contagiousness.

He is going to get tested, and hopefully he doesn't have it. I am just feeling the lowest I have in my life and am having very dark morose thoughts. I really want to change this and be more positive and take charge of my health, but my thoughts wont let me.

Any words of support or advice would be forever treasured. Thank you.

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May 07, 2013
your not alone
by: Anonymous

Hi this board is amazing. I'm 18 weeks pregnant and found out that my boyfriend gave me herpes. I was sooo sad! Not even really thinking about myself but my unborn child. My boyfriend is very upset that he did this to me. He didn't know he had it. We're just going to put it in God's hands and I'm going to move forward and still marry him. I'm trying to be strong and not keep blaming him but I cant help it! I just had my first genital outbreak! Ouch....

Dec 25, 2012
Your are worthy of being loved
by: Toni

Katherine - take a breath and remember you are more than a person with HSV. It is merely a condition you have, not a condition that defines you. It will take time, there will be setbacks, but take the time to write something positive about your life or yourself everyday, carry it with you and read it when you have low moments.

Peace be with you!

May 17, 2012
He is going to get tested?!
by: Anonymous

Sorry but I don't really understand the comment about him getting tested - if he had cold sores and passed them to you, then surely its clear he has it? As for fearing for your contagiousness, he already has it, and he passed it to you. He can't catch it twice. I wouldn't have stayed with my partner if he had acted like this at all, he gave me herpes, he didn't know he had it. Now he takes really great care of me when I have outbreaks, and we're engaged not because 'he has to stay with me' because he gave me herpes though! It makes me so sad to read these stories of people who are already having a hard time having to also deal with complete losers for partners. Hope you have moved on and know you can do better!

Apr 25, 2012
Commitment and communication
by: donutdude aka Larry

I have seen many terrorized responses to HSV during over 2 years of online research. I do not have HSV1. My wife does not have HSV1. However, terror is easily associated with HSV1 even when it is carried to the genitals. Almost 50 years ago I received a Marriage Certificate after our Wedding ceremony. Recently we were both given IgG tests and are negative but communication and commitment are key to working things out. While I have seen the big picture of the workings of the HSV1 virus, my wife is floundering because there isn't unanimity between the many websites and even the experts about transmission, etc. I am glad that treatment and education make it easier to realize that you have not reached the end of your relationship. Testing is fine; talking about the information with cool heads should enable you to keep on with your relationship, get married, have a blessed life.

Apr 25, 2012
Some advice from H-Tips
by: Anonymous

This is very common reaction to getting the Herpes virus and there is a lot in this story to learn from.

You are not alone if you have genital herpes.

About 20% of the adult population in the United States, United Kingdom, and Australia have genital herpes.

In cities where there is an actively dating, single population, the percentage can be much higher.

That means millions and millions of people with genital herpes.

So you are not alone. Most people just will never admit it or just don’t talk about it to others.

And up to 90% of people that have genital herpes, don’t even know they have it!

Well, to make a long story short, most people with genital herpes go on to live a normal life.

They learn to treat the outbreaks. They take some precautions sexually. They come to see it as a minor skin condition.

But geez, when you first get it, you can really really freak out.

All sorts of things will go through your mind.

Lots of negative thoughts, fears, insecurities, doubts, and depressive/negative feelings.

Well the truth is, these thoughts and feelings, will pass if take certain actions.

I’ll be sharing some of these actions in upcoming emails.

Again, you’re not alone at all. There’s hundreds of support groups you can join, many message boards, and even dating sites if you just want to date people with genital herpes.

We do know from research, the sooner you begin treating your herpes with medication, the sooner the emotions will calm down.

And the sooner we open up and tell our partners what is going on, the sooner we can heal our relationships.

Millions live with this silly little virus.

You can too. It’s just not that big a deal.

HSV-1 AND GENITAL HERPES: Up to 40% of new genital herpes cases are now from HSV-1 (Cold Sores). This is due to popularity and prevalence of oral sex.

So yes, you can pass a cold sore from your mouth to your partner’s genital area.

Katherine in this letter is doing the right thing in getting her partner tested.

Learning the truth about Herpes takes a while. Yet can be done through educating yourself and good diagnostic tests.

TIP: Become aware of your emotions about Herpes.

If you have been diagnosed with genital herpes recently, you’re probably quite emotional.

Most people go into shock, and maybe even some depression when this happens.

A good thing to do is write down how you’re feeling about Herpes.

Or draw a picture.

It’s why journaling has helped so many people. Once you can get your feelings out on paper then they don’t seem so overwhelming.

Then take some kind of action to feel better.

You know what to do. You know how to cheer yourself up.

Mar 12, 2012
Love, Not Fear.
by: Brittani

I just went through the same thing with my fiance and my best friend. My fiance stated that I had to have been cheating, because there was no way I could have gotten it from him. I am 21 years old, and a week ago I found out that I have HSV2, he is older, and still holds that I could not have gotten it from him.

My best friend called the hospital and asked if she had to disinfect her chairs after I left, for the fear of catching it. I'm scared about this and the two people that should have been there for me, ran away. I understand that you do not understand why this happening, I am at that stage too, but I will say, that I am honestly glad they did this early on, so I did not continue down this path to recovery, thinking they had my back, when they didn't.

Keep your head up. You are stronger than letting your boyfriend or your own thoughts take over. Just know that you are not alone. Find people who will see you, not the HSV1. If your bf cannot do that, then he doesn't deserve you. After 8 years, I am sure that will be a hard decision, but you deserve love, not anymore fear. <3

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