17 and Scared Shitless.. Could Use Advice
by Brooke T.
I was diagnosed with Genital Herpes on Halloween of this year, 2011: The scariest day of my life not the worst day. I know I've still got a lot of life in me and plenty of days to make the worst but it was by far the scariest, as a matter of fact I'm still scared. It was in shock I've heard all the stories, and studied more on Herpes then any subject I can think of. But I'm only 17yrs young I've got soooo much going for me and I'm still scared.
I've talked to my O.B.G.Y.N. and she says she has never met a teen with such ease about the subject but I am totally and completely freaked/terrified. I've done my homework it’s not the virus that scares me it’s the fact that I have it and I could possibly ruin someone’s life by pure ecstasy when making love. So yeah I'm informed but is that the most I can do??
I'm only 17 freaking years old I still have a whole life ahead of me and now I've got an incurable disease. I can't have sex without feeling insecure (not that I've even tried to have sex) even just talking to young men makes me freak out. My O.B.G.Y.N. says my outbreak seems like nothing. I will probably never even have another outbreak after this one (my first one which I hear is the worst mine was nothing I couldn’t even notice) but I'm still worried I could really use some comforting words.
I'm not sure whether it’s HSV1 or HSV2 and neither does my doc she says we can run tests BUT is it worth more bad news?? I've cried and sulked in this far too much already, 17 is just too young I don't need information and I don't need another doctor or psychologist trying to tell me "my life isn't over" "you'll find someone for you, and, now we will know they love you, for you" "you’re a beautiful girl, this is but a simple little obstacle that you can easily work through". I already know this I don't need to hear any more of it I know all these little things already.
I'm just scared I still don't know exactly how to handle this emotionally. I had plans to move to LA in California and start an exotic modelling career I'm a very very good looking girl and now I just feel ugly, dirty, and like no one could ever want me. I'm probably over reacting but I really don't need to hear that either I just need some beautiful words or advice to help me strengthen my mind and my heart I'm almost falling apart over here. Ugh! Help!! Get me through this!!!