Feeling Angry

by Anonymous

Hi Gary, I want to thank you so much for this website! What a relief to know that even though we know that there are others out there, it seems like I am the only one with this “gift.” I was diagnosed only a week ago, had I not had a regular annual pap, I would have not known because I don’t have any symptoms yet. At the end of my pap, I decided to get an STD test since I was already there and I didn’t have to pay anything with my insurance, so I did it and three weeks later I got a phone call with the news.

I had a partner for 5 years I am 38 now, we were separated for a couple of months and I met someone else and was intimate with this person for only 3 months. I ended this short relationship and my ex-boyfriend and I started our relationship again. It was only two months after we got together when I got the news last week.

Before I was intimate again with my now ex-boyfriend, I was shaking, scared and crying but I needed to be completely honest and told him about the test having been positive. He was nice and supportive I thought, was intimate with me with no problems and two days later he said that he didn’t know what he felt for me anymore after he had told me that he loved me and that he was not going to see me anymore (which lead me to believe that he could have been positive as well and may have lied to me). I am so devastated to the point that I cannot even go to work at all.

I feel ashamed with this and do not know if I should tell the person I was seeing for 3 months. I have no clue if he gave it to me or my ex-boyfriend because I haven’t had any breakouts or any symptoms. I know I have it because the Dr. told me my blood test was positive for Herpes 1 and 2. I haven’t stopped crying and came across your website and began reading your story, I am in the angry, ashamed and going into the cave part.

I feel like I can’t even be a role model to two of my teenage kids. How can I talk to them about STDs and safe sex if I failed! Your website gives me hope that everything can be okay, I am too afraid that nobody would want to be with me with Herpes and that I am facing a lonely life ahead of me because I am too ashamed to tell anyone about this lifetime virus.

Thank you for reading my story!

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