Years of Sexual Abuse

by Ebony
(United States)

I am 20 years old and was diagnosed with herpes a few days ago.

I am scared out of my mind bc it feels like a death sentence and I have nobody to talk to about it.

Since I was old enough to remember (maybe 8 or 9) I was sexually abused by my mother's long term bf.

I tried talking to my mother but nothing changed and she didn't leave him, so when I got the chance to flee from her house I did, which was about 16 years old.

I am now in college and I was trying to leave these painful memories behind me but I had an outbreak and I was diagnosed with herpes.

I know it has to be from those years of sexual abuse bc I haven't had a bf or sexual interactions since.

I'm usually really strong but I find myself breaking down ever since I was diagnosed.

Taking my innocence was enough but now I have to live every day knowing that I contracted an STD that has no cure, and not by choice.

I feel like life isn't fair and now my whole future has to change because nobody will want me now.

It's really not fair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I can't talk to my mother, I have no friends that I am close with to talk to, so I'm suffering in silence while trying to help everyone else with their problems.

Any advice or positive words?

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Sep 30, 2014
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by: Anonymous

Hey Ebony, I too am a 20 year old college student and just found out recently that I have HSV 2 as well. When I found out all I did was cry... I thought my life was over! I don't know you but I want you to know its not the end of the world, it will be okay. I promise.

And us being so young we feel as if we don't deserve things. But you know something's gone wrong so we appreciate them when they are right. This won't stop you from going to school or having that loving relationship you've always wanted.

Studies show that it'll always be in our bodies, but scientifically our immune system can build new and healthy cells & totally get rid of it, as stated above if eating right and doing the right thing.

I'm sure your Dr. may have prescribed you Valtrex or something of that sort which is cool, but here is a healthy natural antiviral that helps as well & is a lot cheaper (http://www.novirin.com). Just remember babygirl you are beautiful, & don't let this "HSV" determine your worth/value. You are not alone. :)

Sep 29, 2014
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You're Going to be Just Fine
by: Anonymous

First of all, You are a beautiful person. You deserve as much love as perky Patty down the street who may seem like her life is perfect.

Secondly, HSV2 is NOT that big of a deal. I've had it for 20 years now. Everyone I talk to who's had it has said the same thing. Breathe. It's horrible at first. I remember the outbreaks the first 3 years. Painful, seemingly unending episodes - I couldn't walk, much less engage in sexual activity. I felt dirty. But I'm not dirty and neither are you!

The social stigma is what's really killing all of us. It's not even THAT contagious if you protect yourself and pay attention to the signs.

More good news: It gets less aggressive over time. Take care of yourself, eat REAL food - fresh veggies, non-processed crap (no Stouffers - learn to cook real meals), drink plenty of water - exercise when you can, again, breathe...seriously. Take the Valtrex or Acyclovir, if that helps the outbreaks - if you have the means to get it. Pay attention to your body and signs of "shedding" - you know, the tingling, etc, and don't engage during those times.

You're going to be okay. I take supplements to keep my stress levels down and keep my immune system strengthened, and I haven't had an outbreak in more than 9 years now. I think total number of full outbreaks I've had in these 20 years add up to less than 8. I've had a few partners since I was diagnosed. None of them contracted it...that I know of.

It's not the end, it's just an inconvenience. Since you've had such abuse, though, I would advise you to get a counselor to get through the damage done to your mental and emotional health through the abuse, and the added emotional stress that the diagnosis has caused. That has more effect on the condition than you can know. I used to break out more when I was stressed and depressed than when I was sexually active.

You're going to be fine. You ARE fine. Be KIND to yourself. There's nothing wrong with you. If you're dating the right person/people, you'll get the understanding that you need. Keep your boundaries up. Surround yourself with good people. Make a list of things that you won't accept in a relationship - verbal abuse, poor hygiene, etc - because you deserve a GOOD person.

Keep your chin up, Buttercup! It's going to be okay. :)