Recently Broken Up with Herpes Partner

by Anonymous
(Anonymous )

Exactly two years and 10 days ago I met a person that I thought would be my husband. Our story was always something I loved, but I am now regretting a lot of things.

Two weeks after the first time we had sex (incubation period to a tee) I had an awful OB. Because he lived in Ireland and I lived in the US, he was staying with me and we were in very close quarters. He convinced me it must be thrush and to not worry, but it got so much worse. I went to the doctor and he told me he's seen many herpes patients and he was certain this was the case. I returned home to my boyfriend and he got so upset for me, we both cried and panicked.

The next few days of his visit, I was in too much pain to think of the consequences of all of this and what it meant for my future. My parents knew I had been to the doctor and I told them I had HPV and my dad says "well thank god it's not herpes". My boyfriend was so perfect during that time, doing whatever I needed and trying to comfort me, we even continued to have sex once it started to subside.

After he left, we vowed we would see each other in a few months and he'd come back, which he did. We were so happy and I still had nothing to worry about because I thought he'd be the real deal and thinking about us breaking up made me too sad, both because of the herpes and I was madly in love.

While he was away, he got his first OB. I felt awful but wasn't surprised. To this day, he thinks I gave it to him and I think he gave it to me. He had 80 sexual partners compared to my 10 and has also had warts and chlamydia (sharing neither with me until months later). We got through this and honestly talked about it as a thing that sucked, but didn't matter because of how much we loved each other. Not to mention, we are both good looking, fun loving, social, successful, and have many friends and social groups so we made sure to keep living as normally as possible.

We visited each other back and forth over the next two years, as much as we could. All of our trips combined, we were physically together about 6 of those months (25 weeks in total). We'd spend every waking moment together of our time and talked on the phone constantly. Our plan was for him to move to me in less than a year, 3 years after we first met. He told my friends about the proposal

he had planned and I knew it was coming as well. We were in the homestretch and I was elated.

Bring us to just a month and a half ago, and I found out he had been cheating on me for a year. Obviously I was devasted, herpes didn't even cross my mind for a few days because I was in such shock. How he could do this at all let alone risk his second girlfriends health and his own reputation baffled me. When I asked what he'd do if he gave it to her, he said "I would have just ended it with her completely and been with you". Obviously not the man he pretended to be to my friends, family, and I.

While my story is pretty catastrophically awful, I am coping so much better than I thought. When he realized I'd never take him back he actually said "but we have herpes". I told him I'd rather spend my whole life single or risk telling another person and him rejecting me than be with someone who could do this. I never thought I'd be so empowered, despite having herpes and knowing I'd be facing the world of dating again with it. I also feel so empowered now that I'm single and "one night stands" aren't an option because of what I have.

It feels so good to be able to weed out the good from the bad so much easier and realize who's worth it. If I'm not close enough to be honest with him, then I shouldn't be sleeping with him in the first place. Granted, I still feel horrible sometimes and absolutely panic at the thought of meeting someone I have feelings for and having to tell them. But, I feel better being out of my manipulative relationship, even if it was my security blanket and keeping me from being single and facing other men with the reality of my situation.

I do need help though. Although I know going back to him is the worst thing to do, my fear of being single forever still cripples me. He did a horrible thing, but that security blanket of him accepting me and knowing everything about me is still in the back of my mind. After a month and a half of being broken up, he hasn't gone a day with out apologizing profusely.

To my friends it's a no brainer-- cut him off completely and move on. But I obviously can never tell them the truth about my reluctance to shut that door completely. If anyone has a story similar to mine, please share. In my head and even heart I know what needs to happen, but my fear of being alone is holding me back from cutting that option off completely.

Thanks.

Comments for Recently Broken Up with Herpes Partner

Average Rating

Click here to add your own comments

Nov 24, 2015
Rating

A partner will love you for you, herpes n all!
by: Anonymous

Please don't worry about being alone forever. There are plenty of men, gentleman to be precise, that will accept you for you including your herpes. Let's be honest, if someone walks away from you because of it, do you really want to be with them?! Chances are, no you don't! Never settle for a relationship because it's a security blanket. I've had herpes for 3 years now and have not had a problem. I had one relationship in that time that failed but not because of the herpes. I told him and he stood by me &I I protected him by giving him all the information he needed and made sure we were only intimate when I knew it was safe to do so. Since then I have met the man that I'm certain il marry. I told him very quickly about the herpes, I cried in fear of scaring him but he wants me for me, herpes is just a part of me, it doesn't define me or make me a bad person. Me having herpes has never caused us a problem and he never once questioned what we had because of it. So please, be happy and rest assured that herpes does not define you and a partner will love you, FOR YOU xxx

Nov 24, 2015
Rating

Nov 16, 2015
Rating

Leave him
by: Anonymous

Hi there.

It never gets better. I stayed, had two children and experienced many hard ships with an HSV partner. It wasn't the HSV that separated us, although I thought I should work harder because we shared the diagnoses, it was his abusive characteristics that were diseased.

Good luck working on your self love. There are many many many wonderful men out there who also have HSV or not that will respect you more. Deal with the heart ache. It will take lots of time to heal but you will.

Jun 13, 2015
Rating

Jst don't understand
by: Anonymous

Im been living with herpes for 5yrsnow. I got it frm my kid father..(Cheating lying dog) Well i started dating this other guy an i was falling really hard for him but it came easy to tell him cause we were friends first.We did the ling distance thing.Well dated for a 3yrs an i thought he was my soul mate. Eventually we started have unprotected sex. I took my meds every day i didn't pass until we had sex during a break out. Well i got pregnant an he got herpes. Only to find out he was dating someone else an our kids a few months apart. But i still didn't let go cause im afraid of being single or opening up bout my situation. So i still try an he jst keep sleeping around. I jst feel stupid letting him hurt me. But i didn't know what else to di who gonna want me.

Dec 19, 2014
Rating

Same thing!
by: Lex

Hi there. I am so sorry to hear what happened to you. I had a very similar situation. I was dating a guy for about 3 months and it was crazy I thought I was in love with him already. We had sex our first time in Mexico.

A few days later I couldn't walk, couldn't use the bathroom, was sick to my stomach, had a terrible fever, and noticed a rash on my downstairs. Well I didn't have anything to do in Mexico so I waited it out.

When I got home I went to the doctor and they told me I had herpes. Well I was devastated and furious all at the same time. Before my boyfriend and I had sex we both went and got tested and we both just told each other the results.

Well he had lied to me and told me he was negative. Long story short I didn't end up leaving him because I didn't think I could find anyone else. We stayed together about 2 years and while I was with him I had horrible outbreaks almost every month.

I tried the h202 treatment and I haven't had a outbreak since. I left him and the herpes now about a year ago. I can honestly say life has gotten back to normal for me. I still get nervous when I have to tell someone about it, but it is my past and we cannot do anything about it.

Take care and if you ever want to talk I'm here. :)

Lex

Sep 13, 2014
Rating

How I got herpes from my long distance lover
by: Anonymous

I was in a long distance relationship for 5 months at the time. My boyfriend finally came to visit me we had such an amazing time. We decided to have sex and we had so many condoms the next thing I know he decided not to use one. Long story short a few weeks after he left I had an outbreak and the doctors told me the worst news ever, they said I have Herpes. I calmly walked to the car and started crying. I told him and he started saying he didn't know and he was sorry. But I think he knew.

Anyway we are no longer together. The process of accepting my new reality was hard at first. I cried all the time. I told my mother my sisters and my best friend and they don't treat me any different. It's been almost two years since I've had sex. My ex was my last partner. I have talked to a few people and when I notice that they really were starting to like me I tell them. One guy said that he still likes me and it doesn't change his feelings for me and the other guy came out and told me he had it as well..

Either way I didn't want to be with these guys I just wanted to be open and it worked. Now I'm really interested in this guy who is in the navy and I know that he likes me so it's about that time for me to tell him. If he stays or leaves I won't have any ill feelings towards him. I think everyone should have the option because this is a choice that could change their whole life and I would never not give them the option to decide.

I still wish my ex gave me a choice but you live and you learn. Either way they will respect the fact that you told them because most people won't say anything and even if they have something they won't get checked out because they feel like what they don't know won't hurt them.

So my advice is to be honest and be strong. So I've pretty much mastered the informing them part but I honestly can't picture having sex because I know I would feel so guilty if I happen to give it to someone else. But I only had one breakout and it was the initial breakout and it didn't look nasty like the photos it just itched really bad and I had chills.. But I feel great now.

So maybe one day I will try to have sex again but I'll have to be married because I need him to know if you are going to be here it's going to be forever. Then I can start working on building a family of my own :). But for the ones who are too afraid to leave because they feel like no one else will want them, wake up and let go!

If he doesn't care about your happiness and health now he won't care about it later. Sometimes you have two options: be alone and find your own happiness or be with someone and still feel alone. The choice is finally yours, you choose. <3

Aug 18, 2014
Rating

Help
by: Anonymous

I am in the same position. I got it exactly a year ago and I have only told one guy who accepted it and we were together for a few months. Now I am back in a position where I am talking to a guy and he is trying to hard to be romantic with me but I cannot do anything because I am too nervous to tell him. Do you have any tips how to go about telling someone youre just getting started with?

Aug 13, 2014
Rating

I can relate
by: Anonymous

Wow, reading your words is the first time I haven't felt completely alone. I was in a relationship with a man who exposed to me to herpes knowing he had it. We dated for about 2 years and a lesion appeared on my lip. That's when he decided to tell me he "thinks he might've exposed me to herpes." For the past 3 years I've struggled with feeling like I'll always be alone because now he's decided he doesn't want a relationship. He wants a companion. Even after all this I still can't find the strength to tell him to go pound rocks and never call me again. I know how you feel and I don't see things getting better for me. I wanted him to want me. Then I might've been able to reject him. That didn't happen. I just wanted you to know you're not alone in how you feel about him. Now, neither am I.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Success Stories.