Positive for Herpies at Seventeen

by blank
(hermiston)

I didn’t want to believe it man I still fucking don’t dude. I was diagnosed with herpies. I’ve never done anything to fucking deserve this. i was diagnosed positive on Christmas eve of 2011. Isn’t that just the best Christmas gift ever? Happy fucking New Year I kept thinking. I went to the doctor thinking I had like a yeast infection and the doctor just looked at me and is like that looks like herpies.

I started freaking out, I didn’t believe him. Then they did the cotton swab test and rubbed it around the bumps. Then they sent it to a lab and it took them four days for the results. Throughout those four days I searched and searched for an alternative. And I was so convinced it was a yeast infection called Candidiasis which has been mistaken for a lot for herpies because the symptoms looks exactly like what you have with herpies. I’m like this has to be it, I can’t have fucking herpies dude.

I’ve only had two partners. The first one we used protection but the second partner whom I’m with right now, he was the only one I had unprotected sex with since I started using birth control. My boyfriend and I were scared shitless.

Today is Friday, Dec.30 and I went back to the doctors. They told me I was positive for herpies my mom and my bf were there. My bf was just crying if felt so bad for him like even if he gave it to me or if I gave it to him or wherever the fuck this shit came from dude this was unbelievable. When they first said I was suspected to have herpies I told him and he hated me he treated me like garbage dude. He said he was never going to talk to me again.

I felt so damn alone like I felt so stuck and isolated I couldn’t believe it. I just look at myself in the mirror and I am disgusted with myself. I don’t want to live like this for the rest of my life like wtf. People keep saying like it’ll be okay

.I just want to tell them to shut the fuck up its not okay I have this for the rest of my life.

Eventually my bf came back and apologized, it was such a relief. I just really wanted to end it all. I lost my life and I lost the one person I’d do anything for. I was suicidal at that point I was so glad when he came back for me. He said it would be so selfish to leave me and said he would have come back sooner or later. He didn’t want to leave me especially alone and to deal with it by myself. I feel like so fucking happy I have someone by my side that will understand. But I fucking hate how this had to happen to me. I still am like in denial I can’t believe it.

And it’s such bad timing because I already have an eating disorder. I used to be so pretty, I had a body, and nice light brown hair. I always felt so confident but like now I put on my jeans and there loose and I just cry. It sucks because like I try and try but it’s so hard and like now I have damn fucking herpies this is just too.

I feel like everyone knows and it sucks because I now people are going to talk especially in this stupid little town everything gets around so fast. Well, I don’t know, I’m confused as fuck still.. haha like I’m fucking writing right now my story about HERPIES on the damn internet like wtf.. I’ve never in my life think I ever had to come across the point to where I just look at myself and i have herpies.

I don’t even know why I’m doing this. Writing this maybe I just want like advice or really I don’t now why I’m doing this maybe to comfort others hopefully they won’t be that sad. But yeah I’m stuck and confused but I’m just so glad I have someone by my side. I just don’t understand why this had to happen to me. I don’t deserve this for shit.

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Feb 09, 2012
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Dear Seventeen
by: Anonymous

I recently found out my best friend was diagnosed with herpes as well and I haven't stopped researching ever since. I feel for your story because herpes is one of those things that we don't think about until it happens to either us or our loved ones.

I know it is hitting you hard right now, and there are other things you are going through, but you are still you. You are not dirty, less important, or any of those awful things. I know there is always that shock factor, that you can't believe it happened to you. But the thing is, we are only human beings. It is amazing the number of things that have happened to us, and are going to happen to us in the future. I think it really humbles you.

Tomorrow we could be diagnosed with cancer, in a car accident, who knows! Your situation only shows that you are only human, and it teaches us to embrace the blessings we already have. It is great you have support from your boyfriend, but you deserve to support yourself too. This is the body you are going to be in for the rest of your life, and you need to love it because it's all you have.

You are going to be okay, the fact that you reached out to a website just so you can help someone feel better is amazing. It shows that you have more strength than you think you do, because you have enough in you to pick someone else up.

Wishing you the best, take care!

Jan 25, 2012
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More support for Seventeen
by: Anonymous

Dear Seventeen: Although it's been about a month, I am guessing you are not far from where you were feeling when you posted your story. I was on the site b/c my BF (who is over 60) has Herpes. He DID tell me B4 we got physical. We use protection & I thought that was all we needed.

THEN...my young 20+ yr old daughter told me that she also has contracted the disease. You can only imagine the pain I felt for her (as I do you). However, she does have a wonderful partner who knew b4 he asked her out that she was infected. They are very happy together. I am happy with my BF also, & any problems we do have, have nothing to do with the herpes.

So, I guess what I am trying to say is....there is life and LOVE after Herpes. Hang in there. You are still the person you were before, (if not better), so keep reaching for the stars b/c this disease will not stop you. Only you can stop you....so please don't.. You will be able to find all you planned before you learned of this.

Please KEEP THE FAITH...you are WORTH IT.... And please keep smiling b/c I just feel you have a million dollar smile.....

Your support from CO

Jan 01, 2012
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Yeah it sucks, but life goes on.
by: Anonymous

Dear Seventeen,

Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Especially on Christmas eve, what a present.

Well you're going though a pretty normal emotional reaction: anger, depression, rage, lonliness, shame, grief, all wrapped up at once.

Yeah, its a highly highly emotional time when you get diagnosed. Especially tough because you don't know who to talk to.

I'd recommend finding a social group in your area. That will help for sure.

Get on medication as soon as possible. That will help. Do some spiritual practices, anything to calm you down.

Millions of people live with Herpes. And we find love again. You'll have to be patient. And take care of yourself.

Hang in there. It gets better. It's just tough in the beginning.