Newly Diagnosed; So Many Questions...

by Stacee
(Westminster, Ca)

I'm not one to share my personal issues with strangers and I never use blogs. I was diagnosed almost 2 months ago I was totally shocked and did not and still am not taking it well. I have been in a long term but not monogamous relationship for 7 years. My boyfriend and I have had a very "complicated" relationship to say the least.


Two years ago, we both decided that enough was enough and we are too old to continue with our immature and reckless ways, we are in love with each other and we have been working in a positive and healthy direction in our relationship.

Until two months ago when I had a breakout. When the OB told me what it was, I was devastated all I could think was, how am I going to tell him about this, all we have worked on to get here and yet another set back. I got the courage to tell him that same day, open and honest is the only way to be, he was shocked to say the least. I have done a ton of reading and research in the past couple months, I got on daily meds right away.

Our relationship has taken a big hit. He tested negative and we use condoms on the very few times we have been intimate, prior to this we have had a very sexually active relationship with each other. He complains about things not being the same and how he hates using condoms, he gets angry with me very often and expresses his unhappiness with me almost on a daily basis.

I, on the other hand, try to be supportive of how he feels yet look at myself with complete disgust, I feel very unattractive and undesirable and my self esteem has taken a huge drop. I have always been a pretty up beat and happy person but lately I find myself depressed and crying almost every night.

I have an 11 year old daughter to take care of, clearly I'm not going to let her see me this way. I have done a ton of thinking and all of the signs point back to this possible coming from my marriage 15 years ago, he use to suffer from cold sores a few times a year.

When your 20 something and married its not something you give a second thought too. I think I may of had 2 minor break outs over that same amount of time and blew those off to razor rash or ingrown hairs.

My boyfriend feels I got this 2 years ago from my last indiscretion again that giving him more fuel to throw things in my face.... My questions are:

Is there a test to know which strain this is, HSV 1 or 2??

Is one strain different from the other?

If I've had it for all these years and didn't have a BO till recently and have not passed it on to him in all these years, is there such a thing as a mild version??

What is the likelihood of spreading it if taking daily suppressive meds??

If anyone has good feed back on these questions or a site, book, link anything to help answer some of these questions I would greatly appreciate it.

Any help ease our minds, help to get me out of this cloud I'm under and anything to help answer the questions he has on getting our relationship back on track and in healthy and sexually happy way that it was before.. I would be very appreciative.

Thank you...

P.S. Sorry this was so long...

Click here to post comments

Return to Herpes Advice Forum.