It's Just Not Fair
Yesterday I found out that I have HVS 2. I honestly have been a wreck for the past 5 days. I haven't eaten, or slept, or done much of anything besides lay in my bed. It's the worst timing ever too, because this week is midterm week. I feel as though my life is over and I have nothing else to live for.
I feel like I will never have a happy, healthy relationship and that no one will ever want to have sex with me ever again. I feel like my life is ruined and I am so angry at the person that gave me this. He knows something is wrong with me and every time I look at him I want to puke. I feel dirty and gross, even though I have only slept with 3 people.
It's just not fair that all of my friends have slept with over 20 people and are fine. The one time I have unprotected sex, this happens to me. I don't deserve this. I am a happy, healthy person. Now I’ve just become hopeless and depressed. I feel as though I’ll never recover and that life has no purpose anymore. I find it hard to believe that people can happily live with this and find amazing people to be with. I am already so self conscious, and this brings it to a whole other level.
I know I need help and I need to talk to someone, but I am just so sad and helpless. Everyone tells me just to hang on, and that things will get better, but I just can't think of anything better right now. I'm trying so hard to accept this, but I just cannot. This is going to change my entire life, and I am not okay with that.
I don't want to always be extra cautious. I'm only 21 years old!!!!! This is not fair and I don't know what I did to deserve this horrible, dirty disease.