It's Just Not Fair

by Sarah
(Midwest)

Yesterday I found out that I have HVS 2. I honestly have been a wreck for the past 5 days. I haven't eaten, or slept, or done much of anything besides lay in my bed. It's the worst timing ever too, because this week is midterm week. I feel as though my life is over and I have nothing else to live for.

I feel like I will never have a happy, healthy relationship and that no one will ever want to have sex with me ever again. I feel like my life is ruined and I am so angry at the person that gave me this. He knows something is wrong with me and every time I look at him I want to puke. I feel dirty and gross, even though I have only slept with 3 people.

It's just not fair that all of my friends have slept with over 20 people and are fine. The one time I have unprotected sex, this happens to me. I don't deserve this. I am a happy, healthy person. Now I’ve just become hopeless and depressed. I feel as though I’ll never recover and that life has no purpose anymore. I find it hard to believe that people can happily live with this and find amazing people to be with. I am already so self conscious, and this brings it to a whole other level.

I know I need help and I need to talk to someone, but I am just so sad and helpless. Everyone tells me just to hang on, and that things will get better, but I just can't think of anything better right now. I'm trying so hard to accept this, but I just cannot. This is going to change my entire life, and I am not okay with that.

I don't want to always be extra cautious. I'm only 21 years old!!!!! This is not fair and I don't know what I did to deserve this horrible, dirty disease.

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Jun 27, 2016
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I know exactly how you feel...
by: Anonymous

Not sure how long ago you posted but I wanted to reply. I've had 5 sex partners, I'm pushing 50, and I'm male. Sex for me was rare, even when I was married. I found out 6 months ago I have HSV2. Like you said, it's not fair. Two good friends of mine have slept with over a hundred different women between them. Still makes me mad to think about. Whoever gave it to me almost certainly knew they had it. Unless it was from my ex wife, who cheated while we were married. My wife and the other two women who might have given it to me are in relationships. Someone is lying and it kills me that I'm the one paying for it. So, you're not alone. There's good and bad news about herpes: The good: the stigma is worse than the disease. The bad: people are idiots.

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