If I am not having an outbreak can I have a guy go down on me? Will it spread to him as oral herpes, or is it only a risk when I have an outbreak?

by Jay

I am 23 years old and I was diagnosed with herpes this past February. It has been a hard road, especially since the guy who gave it to me handled it so poorly. He was someone I had an off and on thing with for a couple years so I trusted him when he told me he was clean. I think that is one of the hardest parts about this, that someone that I trusted and truly cared for could do this to me. After I saw the way he handled it (and we haven't talked since I called him out about it), I have started to think that he knew the whole time that he had it and just thought he wouldn't spread it so he didn't say anything, which is even worse.

It has been really hard cause although my best friends know, I feel as though I have no one to really talk to about it. They just don't get it, I can be told a million times that I will find love, and that people don't think I'm gross but actually taking those thoughts and feelings away is a lot harder to do. Do you have any advice on how to calm my mind and take away the feeling that I'm damaged goods?

I haven't had sex since I found out and to be honest I don't know much about spreading it. I am taking acyclovir everyday cause if I don't, I get outbreaks like crazy. I miss the joys of hooking up and being intimate with a guy but I'm not sure how it can spread so I am afraid to do so.

So here are my final questions, are my transmission risks lower since I take the medication every day? Can I have a guy go down on me and not risk giving him oral herpes?

Thanks for taking the time to help me out, I am new to blogging and am really just trying to find some guidance and comfort from people who also have this.

Comments for If I am not having an outbreak can I have a guy go down on me? Will it spread to him as oral herpes, or is it only a risk when I have an outbreak?

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Nov 30, 2013
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Im 26 and contracted it when I was 21
by: Anonymous

Don't feel bad, its hard and trust me I understand. To feel tainted, used and abused, the guy that gave it to me completely shut down and moved back to his hometown. I'm attractive and guys are always trying to court me but I always have the thought in my head that if they only knew that I had herpes and how they wouldn't want me anymore. I'm still crying over me finding out, and I haven't had an outbreak since the very first one. But always itching, tingling, and discomfort. Its like you don't even know your body anymore. Love yourself and learn how to cope, that's all I do and its hard and YES I still cry over it to because I would really love to test drive some of the guys I meet.

Nov 23, 2013
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It gets better
by: Brittny

When I was first diagnosed at 20 years of age I had plenty of questions concerning my future sex life. And reading different websites and blogs can give you mixed answers. I have genital herpes and my fiancé performs oral sex on me and has yet to get the virus.

I have read that it is less common to spread hsv2 (genital herpes) to the mouth than vice versa. But make sure no sores, bumps, rashes, tingling, or itching are present when receiving oral sex and make sure your partner understands the risk.

Concerning your frequent outbreaks, they do lessen over time. I have had it for 6 years and I get maybe 2-3 outbreaks a year and they last just 3-4 days. So don't give up, you can still have a healthy fulfilling sex life. Just have to take more precautions.