How Can I Get the Guy I'm Seeing to Accept That He Gave Me Genital Herpes?

Hello, I am a 21 year old female that has been diagnosed with HSV-1 in the genital region only a few hours ago and I am completely devastated. I have only had sex with a few men in my lifetime and have never had any STIs as I got checked after my breakups. The only person to ever "go down on me" was my last hook-up that occurred about 2 weeks ago.


I was actually practicing abstinence for the past year because I was sick of being heartbroken by sex-crazed boys who would tell you anything to get in your pants. This new guy I hooked up with seemed to be a very trustworthy person. I've known him for a while and he seemed to be very intelligent and understanding.

Well, a few days after our first time together was when I initially felt symptoms. I thought it was an allergic reaction to the lubricant on the condoms, but sores appeared after only a few days. I went to the doctor and she told me that it looked like herpes. When I told the guy I'm seeing about this, he completely switched to denial mode. He admitted that he gets the occasional cold sore and said that there was no way he could pass it on to me orally when he didn't have an outbreak.

Well, I got the results back from the viral swab and it's positive for HSV-1. When I told him this he said that I was being dumb and that I probably already had the virus and it showed up in my skin cells for the viral culture test. I really do not know how that is possible and the chances that it coincidentally occurred right after our first sexual encounter is extremely slim.

I'm just about completing my bachelor's degree in cell and molecular biology and he even had the audacity to question my position as a biology student. I'm actually more distraught at the fact that he isn't being more supportive. I did not blame him or get upset at him in any way might I add, so his defensiveness is totally uncalled for. I have been sending him links to websites on why this is a possible occurrence and he said that he still won't believe it until he has a visit with his doctor.

I honestly do not know of any other way to convince him that he was the one that spread the virus to me and I just want him to be aware of the fact that he can spread it to others and that he should be more careful. I thought I could rely on this guy and instead he has been nothing but a jerk to me.

I'm feeling the usual emotional symptoms as everyone else has discussed: dirty and unwanted. Should I continue to attempt explaining the virus to him or should I just let it be and discontinue communication with him?

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Jul 31, 2013
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Personally
by: Anonymous

Personally, I think you should try to explain it to him a little more. I am also 21, and I was diagnosed with HSV 1 a few days after my birthday (back in May). Our situation is similar. I didn't have sex for over a year bc I was tired of getting hurt.

Well I had sex with a friend, but I don't think he's the one who gave me herpes. I met this guy, and I thought I could trust him. I should have known better. I thought I was being "safe" and gave him oral. A few days later my lip was tingly and swollen. It went away. It happened again a month later. I again ignored it bc it went away. Once it happened the third time, while I was dating my boyfriend, I finally got tested... and was positive.

Idk if he didn't know or didn't care, but the guy you're talking about needs to understand that he can spread it when no sores are present. If he can't understand that, just don't talk to him. And just make sure you tell your partners so they know. My bf accepted it the minute I found out. I felt dirty, but in all reality it's just a skin condition. The name is worse than it is. I forget that I have it sometimes, and it's only been a few short months. If he can't accept it, then all you can do is do what's right and be smart about it.


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