Heartbroken

by Christy
(Denver)

I was diagnosed with herpes about 4 months ago. I didn't think it was a big deal since I've only had mild symptoms, if any at all. I started dating someone, and after the 3rd date realized that I had to tell him about it. So I did, and it didn't go well.


A week later he met up with me and told me that my condition shouldn't have anything to do with his feelings for me. We hung out a couple more times, even had sex, and we had a great time together.

Then on valentines day he told me he was having doubts about being with me again because of my herpes. So I gave him some time to think and he finally told me he was going to move on.

I am devastated. I've had such horrible relationships and I am finally at a point in my life where I thought I was ready for a healthy relationship. I felt like this guy could be my soulmate. And just because of this stupid minor skin problem, it's not going to work out.

Does anyone have any advice, any stories about similar situations that had a happy ending, or just any words of encouragement to help me cope? I feel like I don't even want to start dating again.


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Dear Christy,

First of all, I commend you for having the courage to give “The Talk”. It’s indeed always a challenge to open up about something so sensitive, especially at the risk of losing someone special.

But they need to be given a choice—to allow them to make informed decisions about their health. We can also find a lot of peace and serenity in telling our partners "I have Herpes" up front and early in the dating process.

So if they care more about avoiding this little skin condition instead of dating you, then they won't be a good long term partner for you anyway.

No need to feel depressed about it. I hid in my own “cave” of isolation and it wasn’t healthy at all! It may be a slow process but we need to realize that our dating lives don’t end with a herpes diagnosis.

In fact, a new love life is only beginning. I've written a page about some good Herpes Dating Sites out there that you might find interesting. Positive Singles is the site where I had the most success on so far.

But that doesn’t mean that we only have to date other herpes positive people, of course. In fact, I know a lot of people who still continue to date and love, even get married and have kids with non positive partners.

So you see there is a silver lining. The one for you is out there; perhaps he is looking for you too.

Hang in there...

Regards,

Gary

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