Guilt and Shame
Here's my deal. About six months ago I guess I experienced my first outbreak. I was suspicious of what was going on but I did not seek medical attention after it all cleared up on its own.
I had herpes in mind, but I wrote it off as a yeast infection or something. I had told the guy I was seeing that something weird was going on and I thought it was herpes. He had painful urination. He and I split up. Never heard a thing from him. I assumed he had a bladder infection or something. No problems for quite awhile. It totally went from my mind.
Then I started dating someone new. We had sex unprotected twice and then I noticed a pain with more symptoms. I told him. I told him I was afraid it was an STD but nothing visible ever came from the pain. He was calm and thought I was wrong. Then later the pain came back, this time with a large visible blister.
This time I went to the Dr and was diagnosed with genital herpes. I have told my boyfriend. However, I am suffering from an immense amount of guilt. I should've gone to the doctor before. If I have given him anything, I don't know what I'll do. This was never my intention but in hindsight I hate myself for not doing something before I got involved with the man I love.
Do I deserve the hell I'm giving myself over this? I feel like a horrible person for having it... I question all of my past decisions and have so much regret.