When I got diagnosed, it was at a local health clinic that was associated with a Baptist Hospital (I live in the Southern US). The doctor was nice but he made me feel guilty because I wasn't married (or engaged) and was uninformed about viral shedding. Luckily, I'm in college so I was able to go to the Student Health Clinic the next day.

My experience there was the start of my slow process towards healing. The doctor sat with me and my emotions towards herpes. She then examined me and confirmed the diagnosis. She told me how the clinic sees herpes almost daily (since it is a college campus) and how the guy I was with could have been asymptomatically shedding.

One of the main reasons I felt so horrible is that I felt that I should have prevented it in someway. But having the health care provider explain how some individuals have no idea they're carriers and that condoms don't protect 100% against herpes really allowed me not to beat myself up as much.

I think compassion is your main tool and by asking questions I think you're already helping out patients more than you think. They may not seem alright when you leave them but how you treated them will be something they go back to later on. Nothing was going to stop me from being upset on that day but when I look back I'm so grateful for the empathy and compassion the doctor had, especially after having a bad experience.